distill it down to breath::
Hello hello, happy 2022! I wrote this in January and now it is February! And though it is late, I do, I feel renewed and much lighter & warmer through my epicenter, despite the subzero temperatures. As though something finally has shifted for me, within me. Perhaps it is only that there is suddenly this tentative hopefulness; that this year might bring us brighter moments of connection & collective steadiness, dare I say ~~some relief~~
One of my intents this year is to send out monthly(?) newsletters, sharing whatever it is I am spending my time deepening into. Each will be a synthesis of meandering yogic musings, half-baked poems & bite-sized somatic or meditative offerings. » if this feels like something that would only clutter your inbox, hit unsubscribe below «
It is wild to be a new mother in the middle of this endless pandemic winter. Last night I had a dream: we were on a gondola, drifting down a winding Venetian canal, and I looked back to find Death himself at the stern, steering. In my dreams I am always worried about the babies. In waking life there is worry too. There is is so much collective charge— can you feel it? So much uncertainty, grief, altercation, unrest and whether we realize it or not, we are all carrying at least some of the fear, the monotony, the isolation & the anxiety in our bodies. This gunk lives in our backs necks shoulders hips hearts minds brains.
But in the midst of what feels like either a preamble to societal collapse or some sort of cultural renaissance (both?) art feels deeply important. Pleasure feels relevant. Big breathing feels solvent. And little acts of healing feel possible. Feel utterly necessary. That is, feeling feels necessary.
I want to acknowledge how the yoga/wellness world has been largely corporatized, de-spiritualized, turned into a qanon breeding ground for conspiracy theories, multilevel marketing schemes, and white savior complexes—(am I betraying how epically turned off I’ve been by the toxicity percolating in these spaces of late?)—Regardless, the soft ancient heart of yoga also exists, still exists, and is available always, to anyone; no matter who you are; no matter weight or height or flexibility level; no matter how much time you do or don’t have during the day.
..distill it down to a breath
In it’s essence, yoga is the art/science of uniting your mind and body—(yoking)— with spirit. We know this. The way to begin and the way to continue and the way to master it is the same: always through the breath. Through the life force known in Sanskrit as prana.
January, for me, was dedicated to returning to breath. To re-examining my connection with prana. Dedicated to greeting & working with this life force in a daily way. That is, until we went on vacation to visit my family in Florida, and instead of breath I drank glasses of red wine and gazed out at the water in pause. What’s that Ram Dass saying about enlightenment & spending a week with your family? It’s been a while since I’ve cared to feel enlightened. And that’s a relief. But, I digress….
Pranayama (aka the science of breath) is a huge topic & you can really descend deep here into schools & exercises & rituals & ways. I recently took an hourlong breath workshop with one of my favorite teachers, Jambo Dragon, and spun around through the rest of my day like I’d taken some illicit upper. But a breath practice can be a simple thing, as simple as taking 5 intentional breaths per hour. Per day. I know people who claim smoking as their intentional breathing practice. I am not here to say what is or isn’t yoga. My guess is that the truth is embedded somewhere within the intention // quality of the attention.
Perhaps it sounds useless, to put so much attention towards a function our bodies perform autonomically. But that’s exactly the magic of breath: when we focus in on it, it ceases to be automatic (& shallow) and begins to deepen into a process we control.
Breath is the mystical doorway that connects the internal & external selves; the secret key to being able to work with your emotional state, clarity of thought, anxiety, desire, intuition, and general functioning. And that’s just base level. At the more advanced level, breath can serve as a portal to higher awareness. It can connect you with the energy of the cosmos. What I mean is, our bodies are driven & sustained by the very same force that permeates the entire universe::
learning to exert even a bit of control over your breathing will bring you into deeper relationship with the world around you.
There is so much more I want to get into. Did you know noses have erectile tissue just like our genitals? Did you know properly regulated & conscious breathing can rid the body of volatile waste? When I breathe deeply through the duration of any physical task (driving, the dishes, a tv show) I feel brighter than even after doing an exercise class in which I moved hard and fast but did not cater to the breath so intently.
So here is my invitation to you,
in the wake of this Lunar New Year:: whenever you feel lost, constricted, tired, angry, hopeless: I invite you to get back in touch with the breath. Follow it. Trace it as it moves in and out of your body. Whenever you feel excited, anxious, nervous, overstimulated, underappreciated, too busy, too fragile to swallow what you’ve been handed: come back to the breath.
One inhale at a time.
You don’t need any fancy pranayama or intricate breathwork pattern to get conscious about your breathing. It takes a microsecond to put down your devices, close your eyes, and wrangle your attention in to focus on the way air feels coming in and out of your nostrils. How it feels to start shallow, how it feels as you slowly deepen. How it feels in your throat chest lungs abdomen diaphragm down to your toes:: how does it feel to be in this body right now right now
right here today?
»»»» a simple 2 minute breath offering, should you want a way in.
A is now almost 7 months old, already preferring IPAs, and chewing on the meager heads of rubber duckies. I am beginning to feel like myself again.
Exhale.
& I am beginning to turn back towards working (teaching, studying, guiding). Further info to come, along with a website reconstruction, but for now, I have a few openings in my week for more 1:1 sessions. These sessions are completely catered to you and your needs, and can look like: personalized yoga, guided meditation, lucid writing, tarot or—most usually— an organic combination.
»»»»» Book a session or free introductory call.
Lastly, my first book of poetry, Bread Of was published in July with Ornithopter Press. Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me through buying, reading, spending time with, posting about and giving such raw & beautiful feedback on this project. I am utterly grateful.
If you haven’t yet, you can purchase the book here at Ornithopter Press. Support small presses! Support experimental poetry! Support yourself with art! This was supposed to be a brief letter but here we are disobeying our own rules and forgetting about time! If you made it all the way down here I love you all over again.
Be well, stay warm, take care::::
G
Nervous and excited to read Bread Of, love you!